Monday, June 27, 2005

Southern Horoscope
I know most of you have seen this around on the web, but I had to show it again (courtesy of just in case someone has been stranded out in the backwoods and haven't been able to get to a computer in years. By the way...according to this, I am a Boll Weevil, but in my heart I am a Possum.

Ya'lls Southern Horoscope

It has become pretty obvious that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When out driving around one can see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose, even a ram. Up the street there may be some twins. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions, or scorpions, not many archers and no damn water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either, needless to say. SO what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.

Okra Dec 22 - Jan 20: Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside.
Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

Chitlin Jan 21 - Feb 19: Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

Boll Weevil Feb 20 - Mar 20: You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

Moon Pie Mar 21 - April 20: You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

Possum Apr 21 - May 21: When confronted with life's difficulties, Possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

Crawfish May 22 - June 21: Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have a very good head.

Collards June 22 - July 23: Collards have a genius for communications. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are a Collard, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

Catfish July 24 - Aug 23: Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. Catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

Grits Aug 24 - Sept 23: Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all of these things, that serves you well.

Boiled Peanuts Sept 24 - Oct 23: You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones -- may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

Butter Bean Oct 24 - Nov 22: Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

Armadillo Nov 23 - Dec 21: You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
Copyright Dana 2005
5 had something to share

Name: Dana
Location: Chicago, and if y'all call me a Yankee, I'll have to cyber-smack ya'!

I'm just a mom of two, a crafter of jewelry, and to keep my sanity among the Yankees (kidding)I write southern-themed poetry, short stories and memoirs. I have been published on the web on sites such as USA Deep South, Southern Humorists, Muscadine Lines - A Southern Journal, Mosaic Minds and Long Story Short. I am also a contributor in Dew on the Kudzu and Weight-Loss where I write dieting humor.

And this is my blog... Kudzu, funny family stories, poems, family ghosts, snakes, sun-kissed southern memories all inside! Plus some travel reviews, recipes and more! I also make handcrafted jewelry! Check out my jewelry blog - Colors of the Woods

View my complete profile

Copyright  2005 Dana Sieben - All Rights Reserved

Creative Commons License
This work is
licensed under a
Creative Commons License.

View my page on Indiepublic
Use one of these buttons
and link to me!

Dana Mosley Sieben

Create your badge
Sign my guestmap!
Free Guestmap from
Free Guestmap from
If you'd like to share your thoughts via e-mail, get in touch with me here
imissala's photos More of imissala's photos
Chicago Lampoon

Belmont or Bust

I Was Trailer Trash When Trailer Trash Wasn't Cool

One Day at a Time

The Southern Epicure

Willing Hands (cross-stich blog)

A Tennessee Redneck in King Harald's Court

I am a Supersonic Streak in the Sky!

Becky's Carolina Journal

The Book Bitches

Alabama Kitchen Sink

Herbal Connection

Magnolia Mom

All Things Southern

Too Much Pork

Finding Fair Hope

The Little Things

The Patrick's

Going Places

The Phoenix

Olga's Blog

Leslie's Omnibus

Welcome to Beejland

Web Grits

Amy's Musings

Ruminations and Reflections

The SoapBox

The Martin Family

Travel Activities

Susie Pie

Lisa's Writing Projects

Monica's Thoughts

Bill's Bilge

Pirate Journal

Junkyard Poetry

Road to Writing

What's Up Down South?

Southern Comfort

All Kinds of Writing

Talking to Myself

The Notebored

Dana Reye's Place

Dovely's Days

Musings on Birmingham

Bill Harper's

Words to Go With - a Poetry Blog

Your Way Camping

Mushy's Moochings



The Sassy Southerner

Who Links Here

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
"I believe that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can not baptize cats." - Larry the Cable Guy

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting in a war and were captured by the enemy.
"Before we put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," said the Alabaman. "Could you play 'Yeah, Alabama' before you shoot me?"
"Sure," said the enemy. "How about you, Tennessean?"
"Could you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabama?'"

courtesy of 100 Redneck Jokes

Image hosting by Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Blogarama - The Blog Directory

blog search directory
Blog Directory & Search engine
Blogwise - blog directory

Writing , songs, humor & cool fun stuff
The Free Directory of Independent Writers and Artists - The portal for writers and authors

FindingBlog - Blog Directory

TFS 100 TopBlogs

Personal Blogs
Start Blogging

Top100 Bloggers

Top100 Bloggers Webring
Join | Ring Hub | Random | Prev | Next

Listed in LS Blogs - Alabama Weblogs

Top Personal Blogs
Artwork for banner
supplied by client.
Photographer: Dana

Site Design By:

Powered by Blogger

« chicago blogs »