Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Speaking of toots
(and , no, not all of my posts are going to be about toots)

I was wondering the other day if I should take up yoga again.

Now I have to admit, I am a teensy bit overweight. (Well, a lot overweight, but I'm jolly.) I decided to take yoga with my neighbor so I could get away from the rugrats and hubbie for awhile and relax. Little did I know how hard it would be.

So here I am, in my yoga gear, sitting on my mat, learning all about contortions and stretches I had never done before. It was actually rather nice at times and I always felt good afterward. The only problem I had with yoga was that in certain positions, I almost always tooted. And I wasn't the only one, believe me!

Now, you're probably saying, "Dana, just take some Beano and deal with it." Well, you try lying on your back with your butt up in the air, holding on to the backs of your knees while you try to touch your chin to said knees and tell me you don't have the urge to toot? Maybe if I was skinny it wouldn't be a problem, but when you are Pooh-sized, you belly gets squeezed in that position and you toot like a dog toy.

What's funny is that no one laughed or even showed that they noticed. They were all too caught up in the zen-like moment of the meditation or something. And then every once and a while, in the quiet, you'd hear another toot coming from the other side of the room and realise you weren't the only one.
Copyright Dana 2005
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Name: Dana
Location: Chicago, and if y'all call me a Yankee, I'll have to cyber-smack ya'!

I'm just a mom of two, a crafter of jewelry, and to keep my sanity among the Yankees (kidding)I write southern-themed poetry, short stories and memoirs. I have been published on the web on sites such as USA Deep South, Southern Humorists, Muscadine Lines - A Southern Journal, Mosaic Minds and Long Story Short. I am also a contributor in Dew on the Kudzu and Weight-Loss Articles.com where I write dieting humor.

And this is my blog... Kudzu, funny family stories, poems, family ghosts, snakes, sun-kissed southern memories all inside! Plus some travel reviews, recipes and more! I also make handcrafted jewelry! Check out my jewelry blog - Colors of the Woods

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"I believe that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can not baptize cats." - Larry the Cable Guy

A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting in a war and were captured by the enemy.
"Before we put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," said the Alabaman. "Could you play 'Yeah, Alabama' before you shoot me?"
"Sure," said the enemy. "How about you, Tennessean?"
"Could you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabama?'"

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