Sunday, April 15, 2007

Purse Shopping - Seven Degrees From Madeline Kahn
In the spirit of getting back into the swing of things, hubby and I took the boys to the mall to spend their birthday money. Of course, while passing through the women's section, I just HAD to check out a few things for myself. So, I sent the men on to another store while I perused the purse aisles with un-ladylike delight.

For those of you who haven't shopped for purses before, it's like this: it's like a man passing by a Home Depot or Sears Automotive store. So many tools, so little time.

Anyway, here I was, slowly moving down each aisle, picking up candidates and discarding them left and right. I just wasn't finding the right match for me. Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of nice purses, but nothing clicked.

I found myself muttering; speaking out loud about what I was going to blog about this afternoon. I guess you can say I was "blogging to myself". LOL I got a few confused looks, that's for sure. Anyway, in the spirit of confusing other shoppers, I started pointing to each purse as I passed and singing in a poor imitation of Madeline Kahn picking her escorts for the evening's orgy in History of the World Part One. (Great movie by the way, but very naughty.)

"No no no no no no yes! No no no no yes! No no no no no no no no no no yes! What a minute, wait a minute (eyebrows raised incredulously as she stares at a soldier's crotch) YES!!!!! .....Ahem."

I finally found the perfect purse. I may not have been able to take it to a orgy later like the Roman soldiers that Madeline as Empress Nympho chose, but I can take it everywhere else.

Works for me.

History of the World Part One Quotes:

Empress Nympho: Say Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?
Crowd: Whooooaaaaaaa!
Bob: Well, we could use another wine steward.
Josephus: Hey, I got a great corkscrew.
Crowd: Whoooaaaaaaa!
Josephus: Damn, this a hip crowd!

[to her litter bearers] Empress Nympho: Could you *please* step on the same foot at the same time! My t*** are falling off!

Empress Nympho: Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys!

Marcus Vindictus: What bait must I use to catch your love? I am your servant.
Empress Nympho: Ah, but the servant waits, while the master baits.

*For more History of the World quotes, go to
Copyright Dana 2005
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Name: Dana
Location: Chicago, and if y'all call me a Yankee, I'll have to cyber-smack ya'!

I'm just a mom of two, a crafter of jewelry, and to keep my sanity among the Yankees (kidding)I write southern-themed poetry, short stories and memoirs. I have been published on the web on sites such as USA Deep South, Southern Humorists, Muscadine Lines - A Southern Journal, Mosaic Minds and Long Story Short. I am also a contributor in Dew on the Kudzu and Weight-Loss where I write dieting humor.

And this is my blog... Kudzu, funny family stories, poems, family ghosts, snakes, sun-kissed southern memories all inside! Plus some travel reviews, recipes and more! I also make handcrafted jewelry! Check out my jewelry blog - Colors of the Woods

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