Tuesday, June 14, 2005

If My Body Was a Car

UPDATE 12/30/05 - I was contacted by the author of this essay, Linda S. Amstutz, who advised me that this is her property. She very politely asked me to add her byline, which I am doing now with much apologies.... Here is the original essay, not watered down through emails...


*********

A friend of mine sent this to me today in an email. It is so perfect. LOL

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like my mother's old Buick.My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.Seat belts? I gave up on seat belts when Ben and Jerry's opened a shop in my neighborhood.Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.I have soooooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.My reaction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.It takes hours to reach my maximum speed.I'm burning fuel at an inefficient rate.But here' the worst of it! Almost every time I sneeze or cough, my radiator seems to leak and sometimes my tailpipe sounds off.

Sounds like me. LOL




Copyright Dana 2005
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Name: Dana
Location: Chicago, and if y'all call me a Yankee, I'll have to cyber-smack ya'!

I'm just a mom of two, a crafter of jewelry, and to keep my sanity among the Yankees (kidding)I write southern-themed poetry, short stories and memoirs. I have been published on the web on sites such as USA Deep South, Southern Humorists, Muscadine Lines - A Southern Journal, Mosaic Minds and Long Story Short. I am also a contributor in Dew on the Kudzu and Weight-Loss Articles.com where I write dieting humor.

And this is my blog... Kudzu, funny family stories, poems, family ghosts, snakes, sun-kissed southern memories all inside! Plus some travel reviews, recipes and more! I also make handcrafted jewelry! Check out my jewelry blog - Colors of the Woods

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Copyright  2005 Dana Sieben - All Rights Reserved

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